A story for us to read on the International Women’s Day!
Since I emigrated from my hometown, it became the new normal for me to visit my family and friends every year, typically for the Christmas season and January. In my last visit in 2023, 365 days since I visited the last time, things were radically different, especially with one of my grandmas.
If you’re one of the lucky ones who got their grandma still alive and she cooks delicious food for you, you’d understand that a few days before arriving I was already craving her preparations. I was so ready for a homemade lasagna, and an ajiaco, a traditional dish my grandma cooks like only the best can.
When I arrived to my grandma’s house, I automatically asked her whether she was going to cook for me or not, and to my surprise, she replied: “we’ll see about that later”. “Later?” I thought, – this has never happened! What’s going on with my grandma?! -. Anyway, days went on, and I even left without having my special lasagna or ajiaco. I guess we never “saw about that”. I realized during those days that my grandma was already very tired. Tired of cooking, of raising children, grandchildren, tired of years of being a housewife, having to do everything for his husband. She was tired of leading the way for a family that didn’t seem to follow her guidance anymore. It didn’t seem to me like tiredness of living, but just a revolution taking place inside her, a way to say: I’m done with this, and I’m not asking for permission.
And at one of those moments while being with her, I realized how thwarted our expectations of grandmas and mothers are. Even myself, a self proclaimed feminist of the twenty first century, found myself expecting, even before arriving there, that my grandma would be happy to cook for me, just as always, without realizing how much work that entails for her, and how she receives no compensation for. You would say: “well, grandmas love family and seeing them happy, and certainly they know their food makes family happy”. Agreed, but yet, my grandpa also got to see me and enjoy a good time with me, with the difference that I didn’t expect anything from him nor from any other family members, including my own father. Why do we always have the highest expectations put on our women? Why is the bar for them so high?
My conclusion, because this was not an official communication to the family, is that my grandma finally quit her unpaid housewife job, and I feel so proud of her. Years of hard work should have ended a while ago, as she is 84 and deserves some tranquility now. The best part of this is that she’s got a raise! Now my father and uncles cook more for her and my grandpa, and they spend more time in the house. When they are not around, a surprise food delivery arrives and my grandma doesn’t have to worry about lunch or dinner. Breakfasts are still on her, but this is a least complicated task she seems okay with.
In a nutshell, my family is no longer accepting by default that grandma still has to cook for us just because that’s what she has always done. My grandpa retired years ago, why can’t she do the same? This was also an important lesson for myself: to value my family not because they meet my own expectations, but just because, and I feel we all own our grandmas, and in general, to all women in our families that for millennia have been doing all the unpaid work no one seems to notice, but which no one can live without. We are all due to their cleaning and their cooking and their care. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge all that free work they did just so we could live comfortable and safely, and please take your women out for lunch more often, or even better: prepare it yourself as a way to give them back a little of what we always considered for granted. Cheers to our women! Today, and forever!
P.s. Share your grandma in the comments, would love to see you having lunch together
Random Lessons 